Seeing is believing

My practice has hit a new level in the last week.  In large part this is because I`ve been cultivating the habit of seeing the ball of energy.  Or rather, resting in my visual awareness of the ball.  It`s a subtle distinction, but it's important.  In the past I've tried to "visualize" this energy.  But I realized recently that not only do I not need to visualize it, visualizing is counter productive.  It sets up a parameter in my my mind that I'm somehow creating or imagining this energy.  But I'm not creating it.  I know it's there.  I can feel it, and if I can feel it then I can see it.  Just because the energy is clear doesn't mean I'm not seeing it. What I'm seeing is the clarity of magnetic energy.
  And when I see it, it's like my brain is much more easily able to rest in it.  Seeing it is a deeper peace than merely feeling it.  My brain relaxes at a new level of faith.  It sees the energy, so my arms merely relax into it, and eventually my body relaxes into it.
  I've discovered that seeing the energy makes it easier to recall throughout the day, when I want to take a moment to rest my mind, or do informal practice.
  The more I see, the stronger my faith in this energy grows, as does its power as a source of happiness.
  This morning it entered that extremely solid state that I think of as metal energy.  When the force field is so strong, I feel it could hold up buildings.  When I rest my mind in an energy this visceral and mighty, it's hard not to feel stable, confident and optimistic

Hippocampus

Read yesterday that there is a new study which shows that meditators develop stronger bigger hippocampus. This is the part of the temporal lobe responsible for long term memory and attention. What this could mean is that meditation strengthens your long term memory.
It's also an exercise in facing long term memory. One thing I realized this morning is that depression, desperation and powerlessness is my default setting. When I meditate in the morning, I become more conscious of this because I'm forming a different setting. The quiet energy of early morning meditation is really the opposite of anxiety and depression. So it would be great if what I'm accomplishing is changing my memory to return me to quiet and stability and a sense of well being.
I felt a very strong energy rising in me again this morning. And I felt that weird sensation of lack of symmetry. Even though I could see that my arms were symetrical it felt that my body was twisted into a different position. I love this feeling. It tells me that my brain is really changing somehow. I think that it means more energy is flowing into my left brain, perhaps to heal all the extra energy in the right brain from my depression?
Don't know. But I know it's a good sign of progress.