Yesterday I attended a New Year's 3 hour retreat. We went through the Tergar framework, awareness, love & compassion, wisdom. I'd decided the evening before that I would be fasting. I set my aspiration for the year. I want to make financial anxiety my best friend.
This morning I had my post fast meditation, and it was perfect. Really. Dedication, bodhicitta, guru yoga with Dorje Drolo. I felt his magnetic, fearless presence. It dissolved into me and I sat with my mind as it was. In time I could feel the default mode network settle down into spacious, slow waves. And then I just went beyond.
And that was it. Emptiness. Reality as it is. No more learning.
Now I welcome my financial anxiety into this vast spacious room and feel the excitement that is part of it. I don't know where my income will come from, which means for the moment it's not coming from a source that makes me feel enslaved. That anxiety is also possibility.
I sit still and allow it to self-liberate into okay for no reason. The best feeling that there is.
