Okay For No Reason

Yesterday I attended a New Year's 3 hour retreat. We went through the Tergar framework, awareness, love & compassion, wisdom. I'd decided the evening before that I would be fasting. I set my aspiration for the year. I want to make financial anxiety my best friend.

This morning I had my post fast meditation, and it was perfect. Really. Dedication, bodhicitta, guru yoga with Dorje Drolo. I felt his magnetic, fearless presence. It dissolved into me and I sat with my mind as it was. In time I could feel the default mode network settle down into spacious, slow waves. And then I just went beyond. 

And that was it. Emptiness. Reality as it is. No more learning. 

Now I welcome my financial anxiety into this vast spacious room and feel the excitement that is part of it. I don't know where my income will come from, which means for the moment it's not coming from a source that makes me feel enslaved. That anxiety is also possibility. 

I sit still and allow it to self-liberate into okay for no reason. The best feeling that there is. 

The Year of Randrol Lhamo

This year I work on building an identity around my vajrayana refuge name, Rangdrol Lhamo.

In Tibetan this mean self-liberating goddess, and I want to try to incorporate this vision of myself in all that I do.

Self liberation means allowing suffering to liberate itself. In vajrayana we see all suffering as a manifestation of the same energy that drives samsara. If we let it run its course it becomes easier to recognize the Nirvana that it all emerges from and leads to. Thus we live in both samsara and nirvana at the same time. 

It is standard tantra practice to visualize yourself as a deity, but I haven't yet tried visualizing myself as the deity name I was fortunate enough to be given. 

Stay tuned for adventures in 2025!