This blog has not been as much of a presence in my life this year. Interesting, since I'd made something of a resolution at the end of last year to turn it into a book.
I worked in April to start putting it into a more chronological form. Then I seem to have given up around May. That was when I signed up to ERN and started doing much of my journalling there. I needed that community. And I think they benefitted from me. But I don't want to give up this journal. It's been my lifeboat.
I also diverted some of my meditative/creative energy into the still unfinished Vipassana essay
I don't want to give up on the project of turning this into a book of some kind. I don't want to give up on writing about meditation. But I also don't want to be writing from a place of worry and forcing.
My biggest learning from this year is about hormones, what they play in my life. Insulin in weight gain, serotonin in well being, cortisol in both of those things. I've learned there's a difference between anxiety, the emotion that I have little control over and worry, the habit of forming pictures, stories and ruminations from that anxiety.
This year, I want to test the link between worry and creativity. Am I more or less creative and productive when I worry less?
