I want to be driven by consciousness, not anxiety.
Reading Eckhart Tolle last night, I finally got it. Living this way is a decision to be consciousness driven. Not ego drive. Not anxiety driven. Consciousness driven.
I suppose in a certain sense it is chi driven. But what's interesting to me this morning is that to be consciousness driven is not to be word driven. Or language driven.
I had a moment in this morning's practice where the words disappeared. I was trying to think in words as I am constantly doing, and they wouldn't come out as words anymore, just sort of silent grunty things. Mumbles I guess. Because of this I was able to have a few moments of pure silence.
Moments like these are exciting to a writer because I am so driven by ideas and the words that I put to these ideas. Deep, complete silence is always a brand new place to me. Certainly not my home.
But back when we did live without words, as pre-language man, or as babies, we learned thing quite fast and amazingly. I wonder what happens to my brain when I am able to return it to this pre language state. Does it re-find its baby smartness. Will I be able to put learning into super drive again?
This is not consciousness driven curiosity. It's no doubt ego driven as I imagine all the remarkable things I could be capable of if this were true.
Too bad I'm not living like that anymore.
